All Roads
by bbgirl17555
Summary: Post 'Chosen'- Faith reflects on the past


Title: All Roads  
Author: Barbie Girl aka Becca  
Feedback: Total Junkie!   
Characters Pairings: Faith  
Spoilers: Post 'Chosen'  
Summary: Faith reflects on the past  
AN: Huggles Morganna for Betaing

**All Roads**

She wasn't supposed to be there, not really, and especially not tonight. She had promised to be the busy worker bee chick tonight. Stay and slay. Not that she had stayed. Faith didn't know what made her think she could be part of everything, that she could enjoy Buffy's 25th birthday with the rest of the Scooby Gang. Hell she didn't know why they had agreed to come back. Maybe LA felt safer, far enough from Sunnydale, far enough to keep the memories at bay. Maybe they could delude themselves, she couldn't.

It was a big blow out, sort of a Slayer reunion with the extra special bonus of being Buffy's birthday with well over fifty people crammed into a small rented out restaurant that Dawn had covered with pink streamers and confetti. Right away Faith knew this wasn't her scene. Too many new faces that couldn't fill the holes of those who were gone, wisps of ghost memories haunting the air as young unfamiliar eyes looked at her with awe. It was uncomfortable, the way these girls praised her. Buffy she could understand; Buffy was the hero, not her. She was no better than they were. She was just a slayer; she had always just been a slayer. It had been shared with Buffy then. Now it was shared with thousands. But it didn't matter; none of it mattered because Faith knew you couldn't go back. There was never any going back.

The conversations flowed easily enough on the surface but the straining ties showed in their eyes. They ducked their head, averted each other's gaze, sometimes they held it for too long and Faith knew what they were thinking. That this was what heroes got, the ones that managed to survive the fray, some cheesy hors d'oeuvre, pink streamers, and some top forty hits. Faith tried to stay, tried to joke and laugh and talk, tried to play the happy slayer, another dancing puppet for the show. A reassuring pat on the back, that this was how life should be, look at how much easier it was now, no need to round the wagons, we have an army now, no need to call. The problem was that to Faith's eyes they all looked like they wanted to be called, wanted to be needed and relied on, and that thought suffocated her, making the room too small and the air too stale until all she could think of was escape.

She got her excuse from the birthday girl herself, who frowned concerned about the safety of everyone else since all good doers were tucked inside enjoying themselves. It was then that Xander had bumped Buffy's arm sending the pink frothy punch everywhere. After napkins had been retrieved Faith volunteered for patrol, melancholy settling in at the thought of Buffy's satin white gown getting stained. She wondered how long Buffy had searched for that dress. She could picture her in Rome dragging Dawn into different shops, going through racks of gowns until she finally found the right one. Now it was ruined. It seemed like things were always getting destroyed one way or another. Even snow white dresses for celebrations, even ones worn by heroes.

The only excuse she had was that Angel had a nice set of wheels and the night air was warm, that's why she ended up two hours later at a place that didn't even exist anymore. She sat on the edge, wondering if they missed it, wondering why she did. She thought of the party, of Buffy's dress, of Xander making pirate jokes with the new slayers, of Giles talking texts with Willow. And as she took a drag from her cigarette, the tip glowing against the darkness, she tried to convince herself that nothing had changed. It was just a stupid hellmouth, and she had one of her very own in Cleveland to cover these days. But still... She missed it.

She missed the early days when she couldn't see what a good thing she had, she missed coming back and finally getting the chance to fight side by side, because they didn't anymore, fight side by side. Sure it was the same war, the good guys beating down the bad, but they didn't live in each other's worlds anymore. There were no longer halos or mustache-twirling villains. There were no longer Scooby research parties late into the night. The once great Scooby gang was now reduced to a few phone calls and a party every few years.

Faith sighed, smashing her cigarette into the hard ground. In the end it all led to Sunnydale, in the future it all led apart. She missed it, and wondered if they did. She thought of saying "rest in peace" but didn't, it was too final. Not that it mattered anyway. The road that led back had long since been abandoned.

The End


End file.
